Blue-Vendetta

So, it has come to a point where i sleep two to four hours a week, i hate sleep and everything about it, it bores me and i cant really get conferrable. I wish I did like it honestly, but I cant get myself too. but if i keep it up ill start hearing shit again.... its not fun, i mean i haven't gotten there for around two moths.. yeah, anywhoms for me its nightcore and chatting. wish some of my school friends would talk to me though, and not the ones that have, they spam the shit out of me, lol. To be honest i think they might have hung out with me because they felt bad for me, but hay why sulk you know. that might be the tired talking, but I don't know. I'm just gunna trail on whats bugging me and vent a little, I need it I think; Its just been so stressful with all the shit that has been been dropped in this year alone, I mean i thought dropping out was a good idea at least for the time but no that was a honorable idea! I mean I miss everyone, even the people I hated. My grandpa has caner again but this time its serious, I mean that guy is like a second dad to me hes only done the best for the family, I mean I missed him when he went to Mexico for most of my childhood I don't know what will happen if I lose him.. along with that I cant find a job to help him out from time to time, not even to help my parents.. I'm ******* eighteen and don't have a car; and its weird cuz I feel fine for a wile then someone says a word or I think to much and I go to this deep depression for no reason. I try to wright it all out but how am I going to show this raw undying pain, I smile but not like before, its empty, I feel like I have to ware a mask to get out of bed. I mean what did I do to deserve this? I'm going to ACen hopefully when I go it brings back some found memories... Have a few friends going, maybe that'll help, i mean I'm so done, Life is good but I'm stuck right now and its annoying. Well if you didn't just delete it thanks for bearing with me and reading this.... umm love you guys lots and may your trails lead you to warm sands

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